When Friendships Are Stressful

While this Page is suited to Christians, you may pick up some helpful advice.

Things You Can Do With Difficult Friendships

These are stressful days we are living in – there’s no doubt about that – and many people are becoming “Needs-Orientated” including Christians often because they don’t have managing skills. These are Life Skills we all need to develop and some mistakenly expect others to have these Life Skills for them. Or worse still, they want to constantly Off-Load their problems on others as their way of coping or complaining about life and that is SIMPLY UNFAIR.

You have come to the right place if you have problematic friendships. I’ve had a few and I found what to do. Of necessity, it was a real awakening in recent times. The Lord tried to alert me 18 Years ago and I did not take sufficient notice.

Because I was far too Caring, I did not “practice the Principles I needed to” for my sanity (so to speak) and Peace of Mind. Looking back now, that so sapped up my energies, I’ve not been able to do some things The Lord called me to do – which was spiritual coaching – because my energies were drained by a few. They called themselves Friends but they needed a good spanking – they did not take things to The Lord for themselves but leaned much of their weight on me!

Give Them Guidelines – It’s Called Making Boundaries.
Boundaries are to protect you. Everyone should have boundaries.
Don’t tolerate boundary violators. If your wishes are not respected,
tell them once or twice, then call it a day because they don’t respect you.
Or spend Less Time With Them.
Have you heard the saying “Familiarity breeds contempt?”
Sometimes it does – when you’ve known someone for a long time
or spent lots of time together, they start to be lazy in their communications.
They do not phone you much and they answer texts less often.
They’re not so interested to catch up
but they’re willing to if they have some other problem.
Make your wishes known and stay with those who respect them,
those who don’t should not expect anything from you.
Refuse to play that game and trust God for better in life.
You carry less importance in their lives. 
They’re always too busy and have other things to do.

Maybe This Is An Option For You
Maybe they’re more interested in spending time with someone-else (the novelty wears off, so to speak). This is not fair to you. Try to find friends you spend less time with and their interest is sustained. For some of us, acquaintance proves to be better or healthier. People share their problems less and there is more respect – this is better and smarter than complicated friendships. See what works better for you, one or two close friends or a few pleasant acquaintances.

Learn To Assess Your Friendships
A Good Friendship Goes Two-Ways Not One-Way.
A Good Friendship Is Healthy And Balanced.
Good Friendship Is Founded Or Maintained On Mutual Respect.
Good Friends Don’t Place Expectations On You.
Good Friends Know Your Comfort Zone.
Good Friends Show Consistent Communications.
A Good Friend Will Appreciate You For Your Worth
Happy To See You And Hear From You!

Some Helpful Information
Did you know some people have friends they share their good times or better times with
and they keep someone on hand to share their problems with (off-loading)
and reserve the times they spend with you (or make available) for that mostly?
Some people are always accompanied with their problems or are occupied with such
when they spend time with you. They know how to do little else.
They are poor managers and expect you to manage their stress for them
but are not interested in advice, they’re not satisfied unless they run you dry.
Someone who speaks to you with a lot of repetition
will no-doubt subject you to Merciless-Repetition in the long-run.
So unless you have limitless energy like the Sun, do not take them on
because they will not be content until your mind is full of clouds
(they leave you feeling bleak with the amount of negativity they share
that wears you down).
No-one should be desperate for such “friends”

A Good Solution For You
Opt for the Friend of Friends (JESUS)
And wait for Him to bring a Good Friend your way.
This is much better than a Mix-match of Interest
(you want a True Friend – they want your services).
And some people are not ready for a decent friendship
until they sort themselves out. Sorry to offend, but it’s true.
I’ve learnt these things the hard way with some.
It meant disappointments and my energy really spent.

What To Do Now

We can love and pray for some at a distance who are not Good for Us OR Commit those to Him we need to forget to heal properly from damages made. Remember, we also need to walk in forgiveness to experience Clear Vision according to the Letter of the Apostle John.

Now this doesn’t mean that you have to Feel Nice about them and what they have done but it does mean that we must Let Go of their Offense and hand them to God. That is how He Himself handles OUR sins and offenses – He cancels the debts and does not consider them anymore (he doesn’t keep bringing them to mind) OK?

Decide for the BLESSING of God to be Your Portion instead of the painstaking effort it takes to please some who are just not worthy of you or me. And walk On to a New Day. Ask Him to Lead the Way…..Lighten Your Heart and Help You to make Wiser Choices. 

Praise His Name. God bless!